2013-08-25 17:02:57 ET

erg. so, i said i'd start writing here again more faithfully, i guess now's as good a time as any to come through on that. i've just made it through my first week in university housing and i have a lot to say with nobody to say it to. well, i suppose i know who i should be saying it to, but since i'm a big wuss i'll just write it here instead.

the roommate situation is absolutely killing me. i'm a shy introverted type with bad bad BAD social anxiety, so having to share a living space with a stranger is stressful in and of itself. add the fact that i have to share it with not one, but THREE strangers, all of whom are minors and feign no interest in interacting with me at all, and i'm already praying for may to come and classes haven't even started yet. i hope that once i get out and about on the campus and in the community i'll make friends with some people my own age who are a bit more like-minded, but i'm always my own biggest critic and at this point it just feels like i'll be lonely and suffocating for the next 9 months. sigh.

being in this close proximity with younger people just enforces the fact that i'm an "old soul." last night i hid in my room for 5 hours unable to sleep because my roommates had like, 10 people over, were talking super loud, listening to music, and drinking until 4 in the morning. i can guarantee myself at least that this is the first and last time i will have to stuff cotton balls in my ears to get relief from that shit because the next time it happens i WILL get an RA involved. especially since there was a lot of alcohol involved. not even good alcohol either, but that shitty bottled strawberry margarita mix that miraculously jumped out of the blender and got all over the counter and stained it bright red. i would have been completely okay with them having a couple people over for a couple beers or something, but i definitely did not fucking sign up for frat house bullshit. i pay money to live here, too. i wouldn't take it upon myself to sacrifice a goat in the living room or something if i didn't know my roommates were 100% okay with it, i guess i'm just annoyed that they act like i don't live here at all.

one of my biggest worries about moving into this situation would be that i would be the resident grandma. i've always been the resident grandma. worry too much, don't have enough fun, be too cautious, follow the rules a little too closely. however, a big part (nearly all) of me still feels that there's nothing wrong with being a good person and doing what i'm supposed to do. i don't really WANT my roommates to get caught violating the house rules and breaking the law, but it really bothers me that they took it upon themselves to take over the apartment all night without consulting me in any way. it seems to me like a pretty common sense thing to do. i know i'd have had the common decency to make that judgment call at 19 years old. blah. hopefully things will chill out a bit once classes start and i have something to occupy my mind with... and at least i can take comfort in the fact that i am in control of the wireless router, so if they piss me off again there could just be a little interruption in their service...
2 comments

2013-04-03 19:39:07 ET

omfg i am super beyond annoyed and disgusted right now! i don't know why this bothers me so much but it does!!!!!@#$%!@#% i just realized that this woman in my online ethics class has plagiarized EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of her assignments.... FROM SOMEONE ELSE IN THE CLASS!!!!!! IN AN ETHICS CLASS!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? look at this shit!!!



every single fucking one of her posts is like that. she changes a couple of words, cut and pastes the information in a different order, edits the citations ever so slightly. she usually copies the same couple of people too. thank god our opinions on many of these issues differ because i'd be absolutely livid if i found her copying MY hard work.

i can't decide what bothers me the most:
1) she's plagiarizing from a classmate. on the same assignments. on the same thread. all you have to do is scroll down to see it. how stupid can you get?
2) she completely bastardizes what was originally good material and makes it look like it was written by a 9 year old.
3) i saw in our introduction thread that this woman is 34. shouldn't you know better at that age?
4) IT'S AN ETHICS CLASS!!

i think i'm so upset because i work my ass off in this class. i have gone above and beyond in absolutely every way. granted, i do have the grade to show for it, but it annoys me that this person has been allowed to get away with this bare minimum effort for the last 4 months. i feel weird bringing it to the attention of my professor and i'm not really sure how to approach the situation, but i do feel it needs to be done. ugh!

/rant
10 comments

2013-02-27 12:31:49 ET

how many "wow, i'm back!" posts will i make before i actually commit to posting regularly again? maybe this will be "the one."

it's weird to come back here and see how much i've changed, both aesthetically and on a personal level. here's another update of the person i've become:

^me, sans 40 lbs. and a better eye for style

i guess the reason i'm back is because i was thinking in school today about what a good day i was having. i wanted to express how happy i am, and i'm much more articulate in written form than i am verbally. so anyway, my day did turn out really well. i woke up on time, got all my crap together and was still early for class, went to the gym and showered, ate a healthy lunch that i packed and brought instead of either starving or buying something, made it to my next class and kicked ass in my microbiology lab. all of these little, generally insignificant things added up to me being in a great mood and feeling really accomplished. then it made me think about how depressed i used to be all the time and how i'm not that way anymore. what brought on the change? perhaps it could simply be attributed to the fact that i'm an "adult" now, and i've moved past self-indulgence and pity parties. maybe it's just the fact that i'm finally living life and making friends. i guess i'm not really sure. at the end of the day all i really know is that i'm happy and i'm finally reaching out for good things, rather than just waiting & hoping that they'll come to me on their own.

i've made a some new really good friends in the last couple of years, since my last major post here. i've also lost a couple, which hurts, but i am resolved to not let it bother me anymore. there is only so much you can do help people who do not want to be helped before the only thing to do is throw in the towel. i hope that some day we will be friends again, though it saddens me to know that it will never be in the same capacity it once was. the whole ordeal has definitely been a learning experience, though. in one way it has taught me to stand up for myself and not accept anything less than what i know i deserve. it has also forced me to be somewhat introspective- after all, how can i condemn someone for behaviors that i too am guilty of? like i said, maybe someday our relationship can be repaired. i truly hope it does. only time will tell.

anyway. yeah. it feels good to write my feelings down somewhere where only i and a bunch of random internet people get to read them. haha. but, sometimes feedback from strangers is even more beneficial than feedback from friends or family. or even no feedback at all. sometimes just knowing that what i say has been heard (or read) in some capacity, whether it makes a difference to anyone at all, is comforting to me.

:)
7 comments

long you live and high you fly
2012-01-29 18:27:04 ET

i really really missed this place. a super lot.
i am going to start posting here again.

since i just looooove to complain about things, am i the only person on the planet that doesn't think the big bang theory is funny? all i keep hearing from everyone is that it's awesome and i should totally like it because it's nerdy and i'm a nerd. it's just not there for me. i guess i lose geek points for not thinking isotopes and quasars are hilarious. also, i want to punch that sheldon guy in his weasely little rat face.


the end.
great to be back!
2 comments

2010-11-19 15:19:57 ET

a lot of things have changed in my life over the last year, some good and some bad, but as usual i am still here. it's nice, having that constant, knowing that i have forced myself to become stable and accepting.

i finally feel like an adult. i've done a lot of "soul searching"(i hate that term) and i'm finally working on making myself happy before i worry about anyone else. i am a good person, i deserve good things, and i have the means to provide myself with a bright and happy future.

life is truly a beautiful thing, as is friendship. i have come to know so many great people and learn so many things i would have otherwise not known.

"the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"

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