| 2005-01-08 08:15:14 ET |
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| 2005-01-07 21:10:39 ET |
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http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/80saction/80saction.html#guide
Arnold: "You can beat me... You want to put a knife in me. Look me in the eyes. See what's going on in there while you turn it. That's what you want to do to me, right? Come on, let the girl go. You and me. Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure. Come on Bennett; let's party."
Bennett: "I don't need the girl--I don't need the girl!!"
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| Rough first draft of a short, short story 2005-01-04 11:42:28 ET |
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He wasn't driving too fast but he did swerve left and right every once in a while to attract attention. It was going to be New Year's Eve soon and he didn't want to spend it alone. The car was warming up now and he relaxed back into his seat, now finding pleasant that he could feel his extremities. He checked his rear-view and side mirrors but there was no cars in the general viscinity(sp?). Finally, without looking, he reached out towards the glove compartment and gave the lock a little flip. He felt around inside of it and eventually pulled out his hand with a quarter liter bottle of rum in his hand. He quickly twisted it open, now driving using only his knees, leaned back his head, poured the rum all over his face and tossed the bottle into the back seat. Now all he had to find was a speed trap.
The billboard up ahead caught his eye. It was a perfect hiding place for a police cruiser to flag down partying speeders. But he had a different idea in mind. He qucikly swerved left. Then right again. Then left. And right. All while keeping up a good speed to attract the attention of the police car laying in waiting. His success was marked by the sudden rise of a siren and the repetitive flashing of red and yellow lights. He pulled over.
The cop slowly approached the car with a maglite in one hand and his other hand hovering ever so slowly over the butt of his gun. He knocked on the driver's side window with his flashlight and peered inside. The window was slowly opened by a 30 something man with rustled and wet black hair, his face half shaved and his head nodding back and forth.
"License and registration."
The driver slowly complied. He leaned towards the open glove compartment and searched around for the documents which he then handed over to the cop.
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
The driver's eyes glazed over and he let out a mumbled "Wuh...what?"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car."
The driver lethargically nodded in agreement and slowly reached to open his seat belt. This proved too much for him for he started to struggle with it while cursing and muttering under his breath. Finally the locking mechanism clicked open and the driver unstrapped his belt, opened the driver's side door and stumbled out. The police officer escorted him to his cruiser and pulled out an oxygen mask connected to a breathalyzer.
"Sir, breathe into this."
The driver seemingly did but the Breathylizer registered no Blood Alcohol Content. The officer shook his head. He could clearly smell alcohol on the man's breath. In fact the man seemed to be surrounded by a hazing aura of alcohol. He was a dangerous driver and had to be taken in.
"Sir, I am placing you under arrest for drunk driving." Then came the handcuffs and the welcome seat in the back of the police cruiser.
"Your Honor, my client was clearly not under the influence of alcohol no matter what Officer Staharsky claims he smelled. The breathylizer test given to my client clearly showed, as Officer Staharsky had admitted, no BAC in my client's blood. That same breathylizer was inspected after my client's arrest and was found to be in perfect working condition. My client was not drunk and in perfect driving condition. I'm sorry to say that my client is just another innocent citizen falled victim to the quota arrest system of the police department! The quantity of arrests do not improve the quality of our streets and of our roads! Innocent people get caught up needlessly in the system and, Your Honor, my client is a clear example of that fact."
The Assistant District Attorney prosecuting the case now eyed Officer Staharsky with annoyance. He had to drop this case. The officer's own testimony had killed the case. He had to let this one go.
And as the client walked out of that courtroom he felt a certainjoy at those memorable memories of spending New Year's Eve, in the company of others, at the county jail.
Le Fin.
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| wtf?! 2005-01-04 09:58:03 ET |
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Whose idea was it to move the Linux World Expo to Boston?! The fuckers!
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