A Letter To My Children    2009-08-29 12:20:45 ET
You asked me, 'How's dad?" Let me see, dad is healthy. How do I know that little piece of information. I have had him pulled apart and checked by the doctor. Ahhh, but how is dad? Dad is often playful, often tired, sometimes frustrated and rarely angry. We still get back to the crucial question of how is dad? I wish I could tell you how dad is in a very clinical point of view but I can not.

If daddy has what grandpa had then this will proceed with slowness and we will always be in daddy's memory. He will forget things that don't need remembering anyway and proceed as daddy. His abilities, as you have already seen, will float along the recesses of his mind. Sometimes making it easy for him to build something for fix something. Other times making it easier for me have someone do the fixing. All the while the other person is fixing the broken, daddy does not remember that he could have easily fixed it as well.

I have studied, spoken with doctors and thought back on grandpa. We were away for so long that we missed the beginning signs with grandpa. We heard what grandpa was doing more than we actually saw what grandpa was doing.

We all laugh now when daddy wants to know who called, what did they want, etc. It has simply become daddy along with the sudden odd placement of words.

Of all the things, and I believe I spoke this to you, I fear losing the essence of daddy. The man who teases you with a little grin on his face. The man who crawls on his hands and knees as he plays hide and seek with his children and grandchildren. The man who comes to bed and reaches over for a kiss and touch even though we many just be going to sleep.

I miss having the man I can tell my hopes and dreams to. I miss being able to talk with him at night about my day. I miss being able to tell him if I am sad or angry. I miss his telling me about his plans for going to Montana. Of his hopes for selling the house. In an odd way I miss the realization that daddy will always be there to comfort and protect me. I fear seeing that vague look he had this past Christmas and realizing that the man who loved me was not home.

I realize that now I must always be there to comfort and protect him. I must be the one to see things are taken care of with the car and the house. I find I must walk a path already trod by those whose walk came much more quickly than mine.

Your sister has told me that I should write things down. Silly things that when looking back will make us laugh. Like calling a thorn a thong or forgetting to pick me up at work. That is true, we need laughter to push everything into it's rightful place and daddy has always been able to make us laugh.

I am enjoying each moment that daddy is here because each day is a different day and sometimes each hour. You see, when you ask me how daddy is I really cannot tell you. I can just tell you that daddy is still here.
2 comments

 Life is Simply Life    2009-03-02 14:37:46 ET
We all feel differently, write differently and look at the world in a different fashion. It is why we can actually write what we feel in this part of Oz.

Thinking on work, which has not of late been my favorite thing to think upon, I have had to ask myself "Why, Why this late in the game have things gone topsy turvy?" So I wrote to myself to try to decipher my work life and my feelings.

Life is very often not what one would expect it to be. I have never been one to watch my back or expect things to not be as they seem. If black is black then gray is gray and white is white. A friend is a friend and someone you do not trust usually is that way all of the time. I realize that there are many shades of gray and one white is not always the same as another white. Trying to differentiate between the shades though has become a smidgeon stressful for me.

When I find myself in this situation I often back up. I have to look and think before I react.

In this instance I realize I have to try to find out who I am in Christ. To try to find out what God requires of me. I have to find a scripture which helps me deal with life as it is. Because life, simply put, is life.

I love God, I know He exist and I know that His son, Christ came to earth to take all the sin upon his shoulders. I know that His love for me, you and the world is always there. It does not mean that bad things wonít happen, it just means His love is always there and "All things work for the glory of God for those who love God and who keep His commandments." Does this mean can any of us truly keep all of his commandments? No, but by reading His book we learn what they are and we try.

Another example of what I try to keep in mind is the scripture where God tells us that though we walk in the world we must not be of the world. I may be around someone who is not honest but I do not have to walk in that manner. For me to be honest and honorable is more important than the world around me. It is me being as God would have and not as the world would have me be. Though those who walk around me may use the Lordís name in vain and speak with curses but my own mouth and my thoughts should stay clean. I should not do as others do but as I know God wishes. God wants to refine me, us, his children, like gold. A refiner of gold sits and works with the gold over a very high flame until all the impurities are gone and he can polish the gold so that he sees his own reflection. I, as a child of God, should be a reflection of God, of His love, of His forgiveness, His peace. My place on earth is not to judge others but simply love each person as they are regardless of where I think they should be. It also means that as God refines me I may often feel the heat. Without His refining me I can never be a reflection of Him. My thoughts then should be to ask God, "What are you teaching me?" Then I will not dwell on my feelings.

On another thought. Sometimes, the way I deal with things that I cannot solve is to simply put them away in my brain. If I think on them, especially if it is on a more personal level, it might become overwhelming. So, I set them aside in a different part of my brain. I know the problem is there but I deal with it like a third party might deal with someone elseís problem.. To deal with it as one of the individuals involved becomes more than I can bear. Which is why I very probably did not wish to think upon this matter at all. I am made to pull my thoughts to where I must examine them and that means I must deal with them.

My husband and two of my daughters have always wanted to know how to fix something before it is broken while I must wait until it is broken and then fix it. I deal with life when life needs to be dealt with. Just a different personality, not wrong, just different. I have to deal with life one step at a time as the step needs to be taken. I do know that time is too precious to waste.

What is the reality of it all then? It is that we simply need to hold our loved ones close. We need to walk each day asking what is the lesson I am to learn? We need to realize that if we are who we believe God wants us to be than the "rest" does and do not matter. Their flutters, their empty words are simply like the wind. The wind is nothing to fear if one can hide in the shelter of Godís arms.

So you see, the answer to my question is hidden in the sentences above. Perhaps in my taking it from the part of my brain where it has been hidden has helped me deal with it.

I did hear something on the radio that has helped me. At the end of our life what will we be remembered by? I guess all in all that is the most important question.

 Amaretto of Love    2008-05-03 08:04:01 ET
Try.....
2 cups sugar in 1 cup of water. Heat to boiling.

This will give you "Simple Syrup" It will store it in the fridge.

3 jiggers Amaretto di Amore
1 lime squeezed well
3 - 4 Tablespoons simple syrup
2 or more
Maraschino cherries already soaked in Amaretto

Stir well over ice until chilled or use a shaker. Pour into prepared glasses.

Buy two 6 1/2 oz Martini glasses with lovely long stems and they will work well. Prepare by rubbing along edge with lime and setting upside down in sugar. Set upright on table as you are preparing the Amaretto Sours.

Makes 2

 In the Telling    2008-05-03 07:23:50 ET
I have been told by someone I find very reliable that we are no longer a manufacturing society in America. We are now a service oriented society. We want our service, we want top dollar service, (regardless of what we are willing to pay) and we want it right now if not before we think we want it.

Our children watch TV and play video games for hours on end. Sometimes, as young and even older adults, we watch or play long into the night.

Our sex life can now be satisfied via computer or phone. Thus, one does not even have to leave the house nor do we need the company of someone in our home. Sure saves on cleaning house!

The muscles on our arms fall, our belly becomes flabby, our fannies flatten out, our legs are rendered useless, and our sexual drive will only work with our hand or a manufactured toy.

Kick-the-can at dusk, hide-and-seek, jump rope and playing basketball in the driveway are slowly becoming a part of the extinct past. No more beautiful surfer bodies will be seen because we can ride the Wii.

Is this truly what 2025 will bring us? Is the future foretold by the past really what will be seen? Will we drift in lovely long gowns with no need of outside stimulation because we have holograms to fulfill all our desires? Will we no longer carry our own children? Will our test tube babies become clones of the most beautiful in society with only a few going to the brightest. It will be the brightest few who make sure we do not crash so we must have those you see.

Life with no pain, no fear and no thought of the future. Life where we reach a certain age and are zapped so the new "we" can begin.

Is 2015 real? What is the blood moon? Will the end finish this before it begins? What does "No man knoweth the hour." really mean?

Are these questions I am asking you my friends? No! Just statements of a wandering mind from one who is indeed anciana.

Service, oh Master Robot, service now if you please!
2 comments

 Bethlehem    2007-12-09 14:43:20 ET
Each year in San Marcos we have an event called Sights & Sounds. Most of this is geared toward Santa, the selling of crafts, and other community programs earning money for events. However, there is another side to Sights & Sounds. God has blessed us. Many Christians in the community from various churches provide a site which is aptly named "Old Bethlehem".
Bethlehem is behind an old ivy covered wall. One must only enter through a gate to step back in time. The citizens in Bethlehem, children, vendors, soldiers, beggars, and any angels we may find among us, are all in the costume of the time of Christ. As you walk into Bethlehem you will find much to delight young and old alike such as: the ancient story teller with children listening as he tells them stories of God and his love; Camels who are munching hay and very willing to munch it from the hands of eager children; The bakery where children are shown spices and grain as they are taught how to grind corn and wheat into flour with a stone and then bake it on rocks; A potter working hard each night on his wheel and the finished product left for all to see as it dries while the children make clay bowls and pots of their own to take home. A carpenter shop where this year the children made wooden angels with moveable wings under the watchful eyes of master carpenters; a candle making shop teaching children the ancient art of dipping candles, a shop where the story of Hanukkah is told. The children are told that "Nes gadol hay shim" means "A great miracle happened there" meaning in Judea and how God is still a God of miracles today just as He was in the days of old. Each child makes a wooden dreidle and before they leave they play the dreidle game so that they will remember how the game goes; Young women dancing and singing the hora and other Jewish songs and dances on a stage; There is an inn where turkey legs are sold and unfortunately a "No Vacancy" sign upon the wall. You see, many are coming to Bethlehem and there is no more room for anyone to stay in the inn. A posada from the Catholic church wanders through Bethlehem with a young woman on a donkey. The woman is with child and they are shown a manger where sheep and goats are near eating hay. Each night there is a live manger scene and a star shines brightly over the manger leading 3 magi who have gifts for an unknown child.
Many journey through Bethlehem beginning the first Thursday of December through the first Saturday of December and Bethlehemís prayer is that each person leaves with a lighter heart and a little more of the reason for the season lifting their spirit. Bethlehem opens her doors about 5:45 p.m. and often they do not close till around 10:45 p.m. since it seems children want to be there wandering our streets. Charges are kept from 25 cents to nothing for the crafts. The selling of the turkey legs and donations keep Bethlehem going from year to year. We are allowed to have it on city property because the city has deemed this event historical.

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