2024-04-04 13:05:21 ET since i love pooping at starbucks so much i got myself a Professional™ Starbucks® Cup™® that i can poop in wherever and whenever i want to, even when the restroom is out of order! (i got it on clearance cause i'm still broke / looking for work. also starbucks has changed their corporate policy so you can only get free poop refills if you keep your damn cup. so i just got this to make it less annoying. #ThanksCrapitalism!) 9 comments

2024-03-28 17:42:10 ET HELLO THERE, I AM HAVING A LARGE POOP™ AT STARBUCKS® RIGHT NOW 5 comments

2024-03-21 23:09:13 ET TODAY CONTAINS MY 2 FAVORITE THINGS 10 comments

2024-03-10 23:24:40 ET got free tickets to a basketball game from the kid's school. also, 2 regular-size (like the same size you can buy in any grocery store) hot dogs + one (cheapest) drink + one single-serving-size bag of regular-ass doritos = nearly 40 damn dollars total. ...glad i'm more of an MLB fan than an NBA fan. jesus fucking christ. 2 comments

2024-03-07 14:46:18 ET allow me to present a semi-comprehensive list of people i instinctively don't trust: • politicians • billionaires / heads of business • any man who wears anything made by lululemon 2 comments

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