I'm blind in one eye2007-07-20 08:28:15 ET

I stayed the night at my friends house last night, and just before I went to bed, my eyes started to burn, so I took out my contacts. Well this morning when I went to clean them and put them back in, my left contact tore. It was my very last pair, and my glasses were snapped in half a while ago because I forgot to take them off when I was wrestling around with a friend of mine. I have and eye doctors appointment at 5:20 today, but until them I am stuck with only being able to see out of one eye. Of course I am left eye dominant so it had to be the left contact that tore. I am getting such a head ache from it. I hope they can fix it before I get a migrane.

Every thing just seems to be happening at once, I lose a friend, the whole finacial thing bites me in the rear and now this wich is going to cost us money that we don't have. I found a really cheap pair of frames that look really nice on, but that plus the contacts(just the trial pairs) is going to cost me about 100.00 The bank has screwed us over too and I just really feel like giving up. I know I can't though because of Sage. I know that bad always comes with the good, but I wish it were a little more dispersed instead of all the bad stuff happening at once.

I guess that there is some good stuff that came out of this. My husband and I are fine...he told me this. "This whole situation has really made me look at us, and I realised that it doesn't matter how much money we have or what we have only that we have each other." I cried. I cried because I was happy and I cried because I was relieved. It really made me realize just how lucky I am. :)

I'm such a mess...2007-07-17 08:50:17 ET

So I finally came clean with my husband about how much finacial debt I got us into. He's not very happy, and I definately understand that.I am so much like my mom, I buy things to make myself feel better. Even if its not for me, I love getting things for other people, but its really gotten me in a bind.

We have no savings and he was hopeing to get out of the Navy soon, but he feels like he won't be able to now. We make it, but we have no extra because of me. He feels I am to selfish and greedy and that I want to keep him in the service so I don't have to see him. Thats really not it at all, I just failed to look at the big picture and see how my spending would affect us all in the future.

His words hurt and I already feel like a complete dumbass. I have an appointment at 1:00 tomorrow with a finacial advisor, hopefully it will help me. He's telling me to sell all of my things that I don't need including my camera, wich I don't know if I can do. I love photography and its one of the things that really makes me happy. I guess its just me being selfish again but I really don't want to get rid of it.

He has also brought up donating my eggs, wich I guess I can get quite a bit of money for them, but I haven't looked into it and thats really personal. He says I got us into this and I am soly responsible for getting us out of it. He has even brought up getting a divorce because he cant deal with me any more. "You are so much like your mom, and I can't stand that woman. I thought you were different." With everything thats going on right now, I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm so stressed out, and I feel like there isn't anything I can do about it.

Hurt and Confused2007-07-15 13:57:15 ET

SO I lost a friend, and I know its partially because I acted like a complete and total psycho biotch, but I did apologise. And really it wasn't that huge of a thing, at least I didn't think so and even so aren't friends supposed to forgive each other. I was totally thrown out of their life they just never want to see or talk to me ever again. I'm so hurt and confused because everything seemed fine before, and they aren't even giving me a chance to talk with them and fix the problem. They are leaving this week, so I guess they don't see a point to it, but distance doesn't really matter to me. I am one of those people that once you are a friend you are always a friend and I would do just about anything for you. I guess thats pretty dumb on my part, and maybe I just need to grow up.
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