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  Fight war - Not wars   
The night kissed the fading day
With a whisper.
"I am death, your mother,
From me you will get new birth."

by Rabindranath Tagore, the bengali poet

I am not the pinnacle of moral high ground I would like to be. I am most certainly not innocent, or in any way shape or form deserve or want your clemency. I would like to believe I am a free thinker, but wouldn't we all? In truth there is not much one can say about themselves other than their own perceived veiws, which more often than not are abhorrently incorrect. With that being said though I will share my own, skewed beliefs on what I am like. I am an (starving) artist, currently making plans to move from Los Angeles to Seattle, WA. During my day job I work at a school specifically for kids who are mentally challenged/disabled. I can tell your horror stories which no sane individual should experience because of this job, and chances are I will force one or two upon you anyways. I enjoy deep conversations that make normal, lemming-like people uncomfortable. I believe that heaven and hell are states of consciousness, and not some place where I get candy kisses if i was good, or an eternity of watching oprah if I was bad. I believe eternity stretches around every moment (yes, right now too).

Of course, this could all theoretically be blamed on the drugs... crazy teens.

 Long time, no update    2007-04-25 00:18:22 ET
So, it's certainly been quite a while. I thought I'd follow through with what I said last time and throw pictures of my two new tattoos up here for people to see. On top of that, i'll even entertain you all with meandering stories of whatever the hell I feel like.

so there.

Please excuse the black stain on my ear. These photos were taken right after I got the second tattoo, so I had ink all over my neck.
Kanji symbol: Gibberish. This was the one I described in the previous post.

Kanji symbol: Voices and Music

While getting the first one, I had the idea for putting th second one behind the right ear. I instantly fell in love with having gibberish in one ear, and voices and music in the other. It's entertaining to hear people say "well, you'll regret it ten years from now..." because the simple truth is I really won't.

I know it lowers the number of jobs I can work at (not that I can't hide them if I really have to...)
It's not going to sag when I'm old. You see sagging, shitty tattoos on old people because they didn't take care of their work. Not to mention, even if it does sag, at least i'll be crazy old grandpa with crazy tattoos, hair and piercings.

That brings me to my next topic. I've decided that on the slight chance that I DO one day grow up I will eventually fall back to being "strange looking". Here's my plan: By the time I hit 65 I intend to (if I have enough hair) cut my hair back into a mohawk and dye it bizzare colors. I will repierce my face, and quite possibly get new tattoos. I will cruise around the mall in my bathrobe and slippers, cane in hand, yelling at the other old people about how uncool they all are. I will buy beer for minors, and when the police stop me, I will claim that I'm just an old man and I don't quite know what I'm doing at times. I'm also going to try and reforge drug connections and go out like aldus huxley. That man never ever lost faith in LSD and other psychadelic substances, namely mescaline. He passed away at 76, and on the day of his death, 5 hours before he passed, he asked his wife to give him a dose of LSD which he kept in the safe. She said that after he took the dose he became very calm and peaceful, with a look of serene bliss on his face.

Actually... I probably will be to old to get any psychadelic drug dealers to trust me. Something about a 65 year old man with a green mohawk and peircings screams "narc" in the eyes of the paranoid hallucinogen peddler.

I'm absolutely looking forward to being old and eccentric. I've turned into my father.

So i'm going to existence on may 4th, 5th and 6th. Existence is this 3 day rave, where people will be camping and what not. It's going to be a blast, as long as the cops don't shut it down. I've actually managed to convince my sister to come with me to this one, so I'm WAY excited about that.

It's interesting, and in a way sad, to converse with people at raves. You find out they live nearby you and you wind up hanging out afterwards, outside of the party and off any substances. I had an incident like this recently with my good friend rigel, and a mutual friend of ours named ally. Ally, at least while at raves, seems smart, funny, charming and attractive. Of course, this is all seen under the venere of substance use., in this case MDMA. We come to find out that she lives, literally, a few miles from me. We all agreed that it would be fun to meet up the day afterwards, chill out and shoot the shit. When we go meet up with her though, it was as if we were really meeting her for the first time. She no longer seemed charming or incredibly intelligent. Certainly, intelligence was there, however it seemed disjointed and slightly removed due to constant use of Ketamine and Ecstacy.

This only further makes me believe that those who embellish themselves in a scene like raves and drugs, and show no control or use of moderation wind up completely worse for the wear. Moderation is god in the world of substance use. It's sad that more people don't feel the same way.
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 An adventure: Brought to you by Lysergic Acid Diethylemide    2007-03-26 19:40:52 ET
Saturday was a very interesting night.

Let me start off by saying that I have something of a talent for ferreting out hallucinogenic substances. Saturday night I found myself with four paper blotters of lucy. It came from berkley, and I'd heard great things about berkley orange juice.

The four characters involved in this adventure will be referred to as Phirrip M, Phirrip A, Phirrip R, and myself. These are three very good friends of mine.

I called Phirrip M, telling her about my situation and asking what she was up to. We decided that after I met up with a different friend i'd come pick her up. The original plan was for the two of us to eat two blotters each.

After grabbing her, we headed to starbucks, where Phirrip A was about to get off of work. We tell her about what our plan is, and she expresses her desire to join us. Phirrip M decides to share with her, and she agrees to meet up with us once she gets off work.

We head to our friend's house, to pass the time until Phirrip A gets out. Phirrip R comes by (she lives there) and I show her what I have. She asks if she can come. I'm skeptical at first, but she convinces me.

The three of us (Phirrip M, Phirrip R, and myself) head over to my place. Shortly after Phirrip A came over. It was about 2 AM at this point, we wait 20 minutes or so, and then we each take one blotter.

We sit around for a bit, myself and phirrip R painting while Phirrip M and A hang out and read or goof off. We decide to go for a walk at about 3:30. We begin feeling a little giddy, things look kind of fuzzy, but that's about it. We walk along the railroad tracks (far enough away to avoid any trouble) and myself and phirrip R were convinced that this would be the extent of the trip.

We were so wrong.

We came out to the street that connects to the tracks and turned right, walking back down towards my street. Right off my street and this main one is a middle school where I had a very odd experience during my first trip (walking home after school while tripping out I walked past a tree and it began talking to me, convincing me it was my long lost brother.) By the time the four of us reached this school we were TRIPPING BALLS. Seriously it was like we'd taken a LOT more than one hit each. I saw the tree, and once again it began talking to me, this time however I didn't see a face.

We meandered around the school, walking around the perimeter. Phirrip R and myself both nearly hopped the fence a few times, but decided not to. Near the back of the school, where the field and P.E. area where we found a beat up soccer ball on the other side of the fence. This ball had all sorts of very very bizarre writing on it. Phirrip R managed to fit her arms through the fence and pull the ball close enough to look at. We had very poor lighting, and couldn't make out the symbols for the life of us. The conversation went something like this.

Phirrip R: Is it korean? Does that look Korean to you guys?
Phirrip M: No, maybe it's japanese?
Myself: it's fucking gibberish you guys...
Phirrip A: Who cares! Let's keep going!

We continued a bit and found a poorly chained fence which we all squeezed through. Once on the field we ran around a bit, then sat down on the bleachers. Phirrip A wandered off to go find the soccer ball, Phirrip M left shortly after to find Phirrip A, and Phirrip R yelled "I need to piss!"

A few minutes later I heard phirrip R yell "Hey cameron! Come here!!" I walked over and saw that she was sitting in the handball courts. sitting down in there made the sound of my ipod speakers amplify like a theatre, and we sat around for a bit. After 20 minutes or so I said "where are the other 2?" then, with a blank expression Phirrip R said "Woh... we've been here for a while huh?! let's go find them dude".

We stood up, and saw phirrip A and M on the other side of the fence, outside of the school. They yelled "Find the ball! Where's the ball at?!" So phirrip R and I interpreted this to mean "We don't know where the ball went, go find it." We ran back to where we first saw it, and it wasn't anywhere to be seen.

Confusion ensues:
Myself: Where's the ball at? Do you see it?!
Phirrip R: No man, I think it disappeared!
Myself: Balls don't disappear... do they?
Phirrip R: No... they don't...
Myself: Maybe they hid the ball!
Phirrip R: Yeah! Those fuckers hid the ball!
Myself: Let's go find out.

so we begin walking towards the gate. Phirrip R finds a small hole in the fence before the gate we got in through (ironically... You can find a hole, but not a soccer ball!?). I run back out onto the field for one last moment, feeling the urge to lay down on the grass. By now phirrip M and A have caught up. Phirrip R sits down on the field a few feet away, looks at me, and says "We couldn't find the ball, dude..."

And this was, for some reason, hilarious.

After a good 5 minutes of laughing uncontrollably we got up and left the school. Phirrip A yells something strange about getting the ball, which she placed by the original gate that we didn't leave through. We wander around my neighborhood, finally getting back to my house. Phirrip A won't let go of said soccer ball, for some reason being incredibly protective over it. The cid is STILL in full effect, and isn't showing any signs of slowing down. It's now about 5:30 am.

We go inside my house, and turn on one of the lights to actually look at this ball. We spend a good 5 minutes attempting to decode it, with absolutely no luck. It seriously did say gibberish. Here, look for yourself.

The concept that we had invested so much time trying to decode absolutely nothing was once again absolutely hilarious. The ball was subsequently named "gibberish".

We were all sitting around my place. Phirrip R and myself painting, Phirrip M and A looking at a book of kathe kollwitz's work. We are still laughing about the whole experience with the ball, finding it, not finding it, trying to decode it only to realize it's probably the scribbling of a bored 13 year old.

Phirrip R says "I want to put the kanji symbol for "gibberish" on this painting. We begin talking about kanji tattoos, and phirrip R shows us hers (She has "toilet" and below that, "seat" tattooed on her left ass cheek). She then mentioned that one of the apprentices at the tattoo shop she works at and we all go to is doing a lot of free work for his friends, specifically kanji and logos and things along those lines. Stuff to just fill his portfolio. Conversation followed as such:

Myself: We should totally get Mikey to tattoo "Gibberish" on us in kanji!
Phirrip R: That would be cool!
Phirrip M: I'd be down
Myself: Hell yeah!
Phirrip A: That would be cool, but where would we get it?
Phirrip R: I might get mine on my back, or my leg
Phirrip M: what about the hand?
Phirrip A: No way, I can't do the hand.
Myself: Guys, let's get it right behind our ear. That way you'll always have gibberish in your ear!

Everyone agrees, and we begin talking back and forth about it as well as other things. Sun rises and we are STILL tripping balls.

7:00 am... Still frying. Visual halucinations have toned down a lot, but still experiencing auditory halucinations. Music sounds really good.

We go to get coffee at around 8:30 am. We are still feeling the substance, but no longer hallucinating except for music still sounding great. We walk to the 7-11 right next to where phirrip R works at the tattoo shop. Hang out for a while, goof off. Phirrip R decides to draw this on my knuckles:

Phirrip R: Damn, it sucks that gibberish won't fit as a knuckle tattoo.
Phirrip M: Yeah, gibbish doesn't really work...
Myself: Yes it does, think about it. People will see gibbish and think "That doesn't make sense... it's gibberish".
Phirrip A: Very punny...

Later on in the day, after we all return to sobriety and go our seperate ways, I head over to the tattoo shop to look for a kanji symbol of "gibberish". There isn't ANYTHING, nothing even on the same lines (no nonsense, babel, gibberish, nothing). Phirrip R says "I think I'm just going to do "Ball" in kanji behind my ear, because the ball was the root of the experience. It's got the most meaning." I express how I really don't want "ball" in kanji tattooed behind my ear, and say how there HAS to be something else.

Then i'm struck by an epiphany. Kanji works just like any other written language in the sense that if you have a word or symbol, and you add letters (or in kanji's case, lines) it's no longer the original word. If it doesn't become a different word, it literally turns into gibberish.

Mikey, the artist, is psyched about doing the tattoo. It's probably going to happen tomorrow. I'm going to have gibberish at my ear at all times :)

So I hope you enjoyed reading about my adventure. I'll post pictures of the tattoo when it gets done. As always, remember the saying: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
1 comment

 Muir woods photo set    2007-03-19 19:27:03 ET

Tell me what you think.

If you like a specific one, seriously, say so.

 Fuck, Shit, Piss, Damn, and other such profanities...    2007-03-18 18:07:41 ET
So... today was pretty cool! I went to santa Monica pier with a good friend of mine and we had some good times. Got new jewelry for my snakebites/labret, had some good food, even went on that dinky roller coaster!

...and lost my ipod somewhere along the line...

We got back to the valley, and as i'm walking to my car I reach into my pocket to grab it.

Not there.

We check her car, under her car, my car, under my car, in her house... Gone.

Some fuckin' kid got one kick ass selection of music today...

My best guess is it slipped out of my pocket on that god damn roller coaster, which means it's long gone...

The only silver lining is The fact that ALL the music was backed up on the computer. I'm really glad I got senuti before his happened (senuti allows you to transfer music OFF the ipod, and onto the hard drive. This is great for when you snag music off a friend's computer or something)...

Anyways, looks like i'm going to have to buy a new one, fortunately the 30gb ones are only $249 now. It's a lot, but I've got a little extra so...

I get to engrave that fucker though!!! It can only be 2 lines, and fairly small, but it's still cool.

I was thinking
"Now, I am become Death,
Destroyer of Worlds"
by Oppenheimer.


something else... Any suggestions?
1 comment

 HERE'S ONE FOR ALL THE LADIES!!!    2007-03-16 12:11:56 ET

I got the best titties this side of the country. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and is probably hurt because I stole their heart like a thief in the night.


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