Happy VD day everyone

2006-02-14 07:55:00 ET Well Im not bitter like usual but Ive been prepared for this day for months so I putting my picture up any way 6 comments

Writen 2/9/2006 9:25 pm AZ time

2006-02-09 18:18:55 ET I love you yet I hate you You made me feel this way I know its not your fault still I wanted you this way Your happy, and now Im not Im feeling wrecked inside my soul I feel so burnt inside I may never gain control And yet I hope you stay this way I never want to forget That even though Im broken You are perfectly content I dont mean this meanly But it seems you never cared And even if you never miss me I will miss you till the end. 4 comments

My Declining mood...

2006-02-08 16:21:06 ET In poetry that I have written in the past week. January 30, 2006 The way you move me Your warm embrace moves me so I long for a glance of your smile supple lips and a deep sinuous kiss my mouth was made to touch yours You are my day dream the one I long for I am here just for you I wait for the day our bodies connect Magic will burst from my soul I'm under your spell I wonder if you see it I long for the day I can call you mine Stare in to my eyes you will know then I'm all yours So I will wait Wait for the day to have you all All to my self, and no one else comes close to that. Same day no title I still always hurt its not your fault I know I promised promised to be happy Its hard for me to do Sometimes I feel that glimmer of hope but sadness comes crashing through I hate that I want to love I promised myself I wouldn’t But you make it so hard for Me to keep that promise to me You make me want to love you you add that glimmer of hope January 31, 2006 Untitled I’m tortured on the inside how can I let this be I’m letting myself open the titanium cast my heart is in has opened a door for you your not the first But the first invited I want to let you in You make me see the beauty of me And that’s never happened before I hope those other girls don’t mean much to you I wanted them gone Out of my way I need you to be all for me February 5, 2006 Bits of poems I thought is was going to work this time I tried to do it right my timing was off big surprise I screwed it up again … I wrote you a letter I thought I’d never have to write I’m wait for your answer who knows maybe it will be alright but I feel so scared inside And God knows its true The one thing I knew for sure Was I could really love you February 6, 2006 I cant believe I did this The way it hurts my soul but I think you love another and now I will never truly know You wont return my phone calls I’m climbing up the walls I hope your new found lover isn’t fielding all my calls And yet I love you still I know I always will and if you ever forgive me I will do all your wills … Same day I hate the way I ruin myself I shred my heart each day wanting more than I deserve and my love is all I have to give Yet it’s a dirty love that no one wants It gets tossed back in my face My heart is dead yet it beats sometimes it flutters too That’s when I think about the love I want to give no one wants a mistake so no pure love will show 5 comments

YAYYAY

2006-01-26 16:48:13 ET I got the job, I got the job!.. It makes my faith so much stronger when good things happen after such shitty ones. So I start tomorrow at 8 am.. WOO WHOOO.. Woo friggen woo yeah yeah.. LOVE YOU GUYS LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE!!! ~Crystal 17 comments

2006-01-25 19:29:16 ET I fucking hate life haha.. Who doesnt, any way, I have a friend who was supposed to move in to the same apt complex, I HATE HER!!! SHe backed out today. FUCK FUCK FUCK.. But yeah, I will be alright, sure I have no job, little money, and I dont know any one near my new apt, but I will live. I need a job. I have an interview tomorrow at 9 in the morning. I am excited. :) 2 comments

FUCKINGHELL

2006-01-22 18:23:07 ET I hate it when I get my hopes up about things. I so rarely get my hopes up about any thing, I mean used to any way, I used to be a really big cynic. I miss those days, except the part about being a bitch. I hated that part. But it seemed much easier. I know that they always turn to crap. I don’t even know why I bother. Well some good news I am moving in to my apt on the first. It may be in a crappy part of town but at least its mine. First time living alone no roommates or family. So it’s really great. I will get pictures of everything when I get finished setting it up. I still need to find a job however, which will be a good thing for me. Keeps my mind off things that make me sad. Life is such a pain in the ass. But I’m fighting back, and kicking life in the ass this time.!

:):):)

2006-01-20 13:13:53 ET I had a good lunch date. it was nice. 6 comments

2006-01-15 18:59:25 ET Going to the doctor tomorrow, My stomach has hurt for days, my dad says its a preulcerous condition or just ulcers. Stupid GERD I hate it so much. If it gets any worse tonight I am going to the hospital yes. 4 comments

Friday the 13th

2006-01-13 17:52:28 ET Its my favorite day EVER EVER.. really though even though I didnt do any thing to day it was still good. Next Friday the 13th will be in OCTOBER BITCHES!!!! thats my month That is all

I hate this....

2006-01-08 19:23:23 ET I feel so insane lately... I don't know what to do with myself. I am seriously considering moving out to California. Mostly because Rikki is comming next month and I could just head back there with her. But I am scared, I have never lived that far from my mom ever! I am a total mommas girl and I don't know what to do. I need to find a job either here or there and I am not sure what to do yet. I hate my friends in Tucson for the most part, lately all I feel from them is abuse, they use me for my car or something, I need peple my own age. Its hard to meet people. Well if your me it is. I like this guy named Dan, but I'm not sure if he likes me really. I mean we flirt alot but I still don't know. Sorry for the ramblings and what not just need to get everything out of my head or I really was going to go crazy. ~Crys 5 comments

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