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2006-06-02 10:45:12 ET We have been counting the days until we see each other again We've only been in each other's physical presence for..3 hours but I've never been more certain of something as I have of this. For five days, I will fly out to the midwest (thats the plan anyway) and extract him back to the East Coast, where he belongs. To pass the time we have been counting the days, using a visual vocabulary that has developed between us over the past half year. this is what it looks like i am even and he is ... odd           All through this, even when I was too blind to see what was happening, he was my best friend. [it still hurts so much to say those words]I would rather break my heart into a million pieces than jeapordize that. I can only say that I'm grateful to myself that I let myself live to see it. I never want it to become only about "the thing itself". I'm constantly reassured by our parallelisms that it won't. I've skated on the edge of that before and it's dangerous [we all remember what happened *last time*]; it's possible to find a beautiful dialog between the person you imagine, and the person that they are, having the twain enrich each other as the gap grows closer and closer. The hope is that the familiarity will only deepen the mystery. I've never had coincidence and parallel scream so loud to me as it does now. Maybe once, and were it not for that once I would probably have jumped straight into this without thinking twice about it. I'm not afraid of losing him to the inevitable. I'm afraid that I've just been imagining this, projecting it out of my hurt. I know that's simply not the case though. We're both undergoing MAJOR transition periods in our lives. We are leaning hard and I ultimately want to do whatever will be the best for both him and me, because we deserve nothing less. Throughout it I will continue to be there for him as he has for me. Boy/girl nonsense aside. As someone dear once said... "To do otherwise would be unthinkable." ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// np: gusgus - polyesterday [kruder + dorfmeister / abductions + reconstructions] |
