the ants go marching 2 by 2, hoorah, hoorah...

2005-06-25 10:19:41 ET alrighty. it's a friggin' beautiful day, got stuff to do, coffee's awesome, cigarettes soothing(hack hack) and i am good. but the sex drought is still raging on... help. i lost my mojo. 15 comments

where to begin?...

2005-06-22 23:28:23 ET well we've all had a rough day in ak. rex, the wonderful friend of a dog, decided she no longer wanted to babysit us, but our grandpa instead. i don't blame her, he's much better company than the rest of us. but then the mortal side of me feels bad about complaining about her shedding hair, always on my heels or toes, and her barking at every passerby. she really was a good dog. as far as grandpa goes, i feel worse for not taking more time to visit him. i didn't get to know him as well as the other siblings; i took him for granted, somehow thinking he'd always be there. i guess he still is, only my selfishness is telling me otherwise. i didn't know what to do with my self at the funeral. i cried, took care of children, and threw myself into serving the food at the dinner hall. fetching, cleaning, moving; i even ate standing in the kitchen. i love my family, as most of us do, and i really do try to fix everything. i can't fix this. and the aftermath with my aunt and father, well, isn't going to be pretty. how can i ease that? i can't, and trying to is pointless, but i will still worry about it. we all are dealing with this differently: gryf shared so many views with him, politics, life, family... she is missing a dear friend. snow did a lot of errands for him, shopping, bank, etc. she is missing a daily routine of caring for one of her family members. i missed everything. the only thing i did for him is plant some flowers last year, and not smoke in front of him on my short, infrequent visits. i don't know what to feel but this seems to be my one regret so far. and it's leaving a big hole. i end this entry on one note: never put off for tomorrow what you can do today. take the time, because it is definitely worth more than the money. 8 comments

music helps...

2005-05-19 00:49:19 ET so who has heard of trust company? not too shabby. you know, i noticed something, i only vent in my journals. how bad is that? so the positive lately is: my daughter is now 10, with fuscia hair(wild looking, but still very nice)new apartment, and now presently on the prowl. wisdom teeth pulled 12 days ago,all four. not much else to say. later guys, i miss you! 16 comments

dear lord help me now...

2005-03-23 17:02:52 ET I can't even begin to think, where to start, and can't help but wonder when the hell it's going to end. Coffee couldn't fix it, Gryf couldn't help it, and my girls(I have 2 now)just added to it. Now, don't get me wrong, I've got it all. Good family, good life... I could use more money, but then who couldn't? So I have a minor dilema. Why do I still feel this headache so strong? You know, the kind that makes your pulse feel like rolling thunder, swallowing your own saliva sends knives straight up to the top of your head, and trying to walk; well, f*** that. Out of the question unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. And that's the exact moment your mother calls. If you can't already see it now, I can elaborate.(Some other time... my head still hurts...bad.) Advice on this kind of day should anyone be so lucky: 1)Do not answer the phone. 2)Do not answer the door. 3)LOTS OF ALCOHOL.(BECAUSE I COULD NOT) Pain killers do not work on this kind, so take nature's mean sense of humor, step back and laugh. Don't tempt fate and say "Bring it on!" or "What's next?" Just trust me and say "O.K. Thanks." You'll be able to laugh about it later. Sometime. 8 comments

2005-02-24 13:31:04 ET How to make a akvalleygirl Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 3 parts self-sufficiency 3 parts instinct Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com Do you have any clue as to how big my head got reading that?! Can I get a HELLYEAH! WOOPWOOP! thank you for reading! 33 comments

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