Under the Spark

Hey there. Just in case someone stumbled across my page, I'm Not quite sure what I am doing here yet...still messing around and getting a feel for things. **Blush** I never know what to write here...to little information is just bland while too much reeks of narcissism. The serious me.... I am a fun-loving, laid back type of person untill you give me a reason not to be...I'm Searching for the answers within but trying to not be consumed by the questions... Trying to be honest with myself about my self, and finding the time to fix the parts of me that I feel are not quite exactly as I want them to be. I am always seeking knowledge. I am in a constant state of mind expansion. I believe in love, beauty, art, passion, music etc. and I try to always surround myself with it. I believe that children drive you mad but also keep you sane. That friends are family too. That everyone deserves a chance to shine. I work best when I am with kindred spirits with souls that span the centuries and have the ability to see deep within the core of other human beings. "The normals" as someone once put it are not able to comprehend what is beautiful within us all. Constantly evolving. I don't like telling others how to live, and vice versa. Determined to be determined. The Ignorance of the masses baffles me. Sometimes I lose myself in the hustle and bustle. sometimes I am tired, sometimes I'm not. Does anyone ever even read this shit? Battle garb and open hand. I tend to be too accepting of people, faults and all, if only perhaps, because I long for that myself. I've come to realize that there is self interest in everyones' actions, no matter how selfless the deed or emotion may seem. Did I mention that I ramble? The Nutty me... The best things in life are free... Like the Victoria's Secret " one free panty" coupon I got in the mail. I am tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. I have the most laughable bad luck...Don't stand too close. You might get hit by falling airplane parts intended for my skull. I am the worlds biggest klutz. It is advisable to wear protective clothing around me. I also seem to trip on invisible things, though I swear I have seen a really tiny elephant run underfoot on many occasions. I am constantly dizzy and vertically unstable. Insurance policies recommended. You have been warned! I have a GIGANTIC and sometimes dark sense of humor that only a few select people i've met enjoy or even understand but realy I don't know where i'd be if it weren't for the fact that I can laugh at this crazy world and the people in it, including myself. Really I'm just a person who means well and naively assumes that others always do to. ...I found the secret to life, I found the secret to life....I'm ok when everything is not ok.

You're your favorite stranger    2007-03-08 13:59:02 ET

Sometimes I feel like I am a concious person in an unconcious world. Groping violently in the dark for another concious being somewhere anywhere drifting in and out of conciousness myself sometimes to try and remember how it felt to belong. I know you are out there. You have to be. Once, I heard someone say that surviving isn't living. Maybe that is the someone I am looking for. It's like I want to run down the street or something, naked, and start shaking everyone I can get my hands on. wake up. wake up. WAKE UP. Maybe it's not a someone I am looking for, rather a something. Doesn't eveyone have that ache? The emptiness that needs to be filled, a woman in lust? Perhaps that is the physical manifestation, sex. And food. And substances. Maybe we are all trying so hard to physicaly fill oursleves up with these things,which would be beautiful and positive if it weren't for overindulgence, but we overindulge because we are so hungry, but we are feeding the wrong aspect of ourselves. The physical instead of our minds and spirits. Maybe I'm not all that awake. Maybe the longing to be awake IS my only true empty ache. 7 comments