Trapezoid    Strange is the night where black stars rise.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. Twenty One Years Anthropology Major Elder Futhark Student LHP Initiate Mostly listen to metal But industrial is good too Horror Movies Technology Non-Euclidean Literature Los Angeles, CA Hit me up sometime. We'll laugh, we'll cry, or perhaps we'll just study strange angles and the even stranger things behind those angles. Her-Bak by Isha Schwaller de Lubicz True magic is the science of the right gesture, the right word, at the right moment. Any departure from this principle makes it ineffective. You see then that "to fear" doesn't mean "to have fear", but to take account in consciousness of the characteristic power of each natural force, each principle, each Neter. Radical Evolution by Joel Garreau But now we've crossed a line. Patrick J. Fee of Germantown, Maryland, a consultant, once told me about the reptilian rocket moment of shock when he realized. He found himself staring at the blue screen of death on his laptop. Gone. Vanished. Everything. He pounded on the computer, hitting the same key again and again. He cursed so dramatically that his small dog fled. It was no use. The hard drive was fried, and with it years of work, addresses, phone numbers, overdue projects – "my life," as he put it. With it, too, the press of Fee's dress shirt, which became sweat-soaked while his heart pounded. Fee suffered the classic anxiety attack…such a reaction is involuntary. It's not rational…it starts in a tiny part of your brain called the locus ceruleus, way down in that very dim bulb at the tip of your spinal cord, the reptilian brain, which is at least 300 million years old…when our computers die, we react as if attacked by a velociraptor? Our reptilian brain is recognizing something: we have bonded with these new machines. They have become part of us and we part of them. We are Borg, as they say on Star Trek -cyborgs, enhanced creatures. We have crossed the line. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll 'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.' 'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice 'You must be' said the Cat 'or you wouldn't have come here'

Self-Alchemy and the Kali Yuga    2008-09-26 12:48:11 ET

Had to be the bad guy last night and break it off totally with Nancy. It didn't please me a bit but it was a difficult thing that had to be done, and she wasn't going to be the one to bear the burden of responsibility so I had to. Guess it only figures that the person taking after War Gods is the one who had to destroy the relationship. I woke up this morning and discovered that I have been accepted into the Esoteric Order of Beelzebub. A good sign, I must say. LUX E TENEBRIS Adept Bunch “And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” Upon the days from July 23rd to August 6th of the year XLIII was there a Great Work. This tale documents but a sector of the night that is now known as the Sirius 6 Working. There are three concepts that I will briefly touch upon within this writing and they are Dream Work, the Alchemy of the Self, and the Kali Yuga. I chose these three themes for very specific reasons, the first of which will now be told. Dreams have been known for showing people the most beautiful of golden fantasy, as well as the most terrible of obsidian horrors. It is for this reason that I have been drawn into the realm of Dream Work for many a year and have come to write of its terrain now. During the nights of Sirius 6 I had received multiple meaningful dreams in which some were frightening and some were pleasurable, but all had one common factor: sensation. The ability to feel, emotionally and physically, made every conjured image and situation that much more of substance. When I started to examine and compare these dreams certain patterns emerged: War and Struggle, Transmission and Exploration, and Emotions. As I meditated upon these patterns in relation to my waking life, I started to realize what changes I needed to make to mySelf and for what reasons. I also started to realize that it was the more frightening and unusual dreams that left the deepest impressions within my thoughts. In was within this context that I started to think of “nightmares” or “negative dreams” as being the most alchemic of dreams, for the Darkness they presented to an individual seemed the most potent for creating positive change by seeking the Light of knowledge. The Latin saying LUX E TENEBRIS may be thought to mean light out of darkness and it is this alchemical process that first came to my mind when thinking of the Dream Work. It is said that this process utilizes certain dynamic forces, such as sexuality and emotion, to transmute the lead of an individual into the gold of the Fully Whole Initiate. For me, this alchemical process seems to resonate perfectly with the process of using Dream Work to fuel and inspire change within the life of an individual. One may use the of sensations and emotions gained through Dream Work as a sort of Need-Fire that may be used to change the composition of their Prima Materia (their mundane lead) into the gold of the Initiate. Or, perhaps one may merely state that the light of Self-knowledge and Truth is birthed through the Darkness of Initiation. Regardless, this interaction of light and dark gave rise to thoughts of cyclical creation and destruction, and then came Kali. Recurring themes of creation and destruction are the fish within mankind’s sea of mythology, for they are numerous and rich with variety. So then, why choose the Kali Yuga? I actually planned on using Meso-American themes for this portion of my writing but when my dreams were continually intersected with the Goddess Kali I decided that a change in plans were in order. But let us touch upon general ideas before getting into that. Why is it that most mythologies of man seem concerned with multiple creations and destructions, and why is it that we never seem to be in a positive “age” or “world” within those cycles? The time in which we live in always seems to fall within a cycle of apocalypse, coming-apocalypse, or general “sinfulness”. After some contemplation, I propose that this is not a negative thing. On the contrary, what better time to transmute lead into gold then when you live within a world almost sorely composed of it? It was then that I started to think of “Dark” cycles in mythology a metaphor for stages in the process of Self-Alchemy. One example that comes to mind of this process is the Dark Night of the Soul. For some the Dark Night can be a devastating period of stasis and spiritual-decline. But for others the Dark Night can be a blessing a disguise, for it is within the Darkness of Night that a person may gaze deepest into their own abyss and see the stars of knowledge. It is precisely in this manner that the Dark Night referrers to a process of Alchemy within the Self. But what of the Kali Yuga? In Hindu mythology, there are four Yugas (Epoch or Age) in which our world continuously goes through. These Yugas go through predictable enough patterns: The first Yuga is the Golden Age when most people can directly experience the Divine and there is no misery in this age, and all the other Ages (the Silver, Bronze, and Iron Ages) seem to represent the steady degradation of Divine Transmissions and the steady increase of human misery. But there are two interesting ideas here that one must contemplate: the usage of metals and the relations of the Yugas to one another. I think the practice of assigning metals to the Yugas is interesting from an Alchemic perspective, for it suggests iron is the most base of the metals and thus can be equated with lead. The relations of the cycles to each other is important in this process because it places the Age of Iron (the Kali Yuga) directly alongside with the Age of Gold (the Krita Yuga). From an Alchemical perspective, the Kali Yuga is the Prima Materia required for the synthesis of gold within the Initiate. There are many conclusions one may come to when contemplating these themes and these are solely my own. In the long process of Transmutation of the Self, there are many Dark Nights and Iron Ages. For many people this is enough to scare them away from the Path of Self-Alchemy and that is to be expected, if not preferred. But for those who dare to travel boldly into the Abyss, there awaits many stars of gold and Night Skies of Light.

2008-09-15 00:09:37 ET

Reddens with Blood - Elhaz Elhaz introduces us to the Mystery of the Fetch. In modern Western cultures, we don’t really have an easy time with the concept of the Fetch because we have been disconnected from it for some time now. I feel that we, as a people, have become very disconnected in general. We’ve been disconnected from the natural world, from each other, and worst of all, we’ve been disconnected from our own souls. Elhaz helps bring us back to Understanding an essential component of our very Essence. Upon mediation of the Fetch concept, I decided there were three ways to most effectively Understand the nature of the Fetch: the Divine Self, the Valkyrie, and the Daemon. The Divine Self is possibly the most resonating with a modern individual though it is also kind of tricky, in that the Divine Self isn’t the entirely of a person’s soul, but rather the Divine Self is a vital section of it. This is the magical form of the individual that one sends out of one’s Self when performing certain Deeds, magical or otherwise. It is the form of the Divine Self that is synthetic in nature and takes great Work to strengthen. Then there is the idea of the Valkyrie. The Valkyries were the swan-cloaked battle maidens of Óđinn, who would determine the Fates of men in battle and take the Nobles to their place in Valhalla. The Valkyries were symbolic of two main things: protection in battle and a connection to Óđinn. This connection to the Óđinn-form is important when thinking of the Divine Self in humanity and is illustrative of the power in us all. Finally, there is the Daemon. The Daemon was a spirit, and to most it was regarded with fear and distrust. These spirits could have been from the deceased or could never have been born upon this world, and they were of great power. Most people feared these entities because of this strength and describe them as diabolical fiends. But for some, these entities were powerful protectors and wise advisors. This tells us something vital about the nature of the Fetch: it is something of great power and will burn anyone who isn’t properly prepared for it. The nature of the Fetch illustrates a critical characteristic of Elhaz, which is a connection to the divine. As previously mentioned, the Fetch itself is always associated with divine forces. But most importantly, it illustrates our own connection to those divine forces and elevates mankind from the status of servitude that the Judeo-Christian religions sought to force upon us. Elhaz specifically is linked to the World Tree and the Bifröst Bridge. I believe the link to the World Tree is due to two reasons: the link between the forest and the elk, and the description of the World Tree in the Eddas. In regards to the former, the elk was often called the Lord of the Forest because of its strength and its horns were seen as similar to the branches of trees. In regards to the latter, the Eddas describe the World Tree having four harts (a term for male deer) biting at the needles of the tree. The Fetch is linked to the Bifröst because the Fetch is our connection and link to the divine forces. Just as the Bifröst provides access to the other Worlds, so does the Fetch provide the Noble with access to normally hidden or suppressed secrets and numinous knowledge from within. Elhaz is a Mystery with great protective power. This would make sense, considering its strong connection to the divine. The idea of Hallowing comes into play here. When an individual creates a Hallowed space to perform their Deeds, it creates a gateway to the divine and this gateway is indeed two ways. Just as the Noble sends forth his or her Will through the Hallowed space, so does the forces beyond and within the Hallowed space seem to be able to impact the Hallowed area with their own Will. I would also wager that Elhaz is linked to the practice of Seiđr. From my current Understanding of Seiđr, it can be thought of as the more traditional Shamanistic side of the Germanic magical paradigms. In other societies with Shamanistic systems, the Initiates would journey and bring forth spirit animals that seem to function in a very similar manner as the Fetch. This would definitely be of interest to study further. The stave of Elhaz is as multi-faceted as the ideas contained within it. There are five main interpretations of the stave that I will be discussing: the hand, the swan, the man, the elk horn, and the roots. The stave as a hand with its fingers stretched out (spayed) could be thought of as a defensive posture, kind of like a hand getting ready to catch a fist or any other kind of danger coming towards it. This is another symbol of its protective power. The stave as the swan is a harkening back to the idea of the Valkyrie. As previously mentioned, Elhaz is the Mystery of the Fetch and the Valkyrie is considered to be the Fetch-Wife. The Fetch-Wife is often described as being the component of the Fetch that protects a warrior in battle and is of the opposite sex of said warrior. The swan is associated with the Valkyrie because it said that these shield-maidens were clothed in cloaks of swan feather. Then there is the stave as being a man with his arms in a Y position. This is the Stađa of Elhaz and is the traditional posture that many Germanic people would use for communication with the divine. The elk horn and root interpretations are important enough to get their own paragraph. The stave of Elhaz is said to have two very special ideas regarding its form: the horn of an elk and the roots (and branches) of a tree. As previously mentioned, Elhaz is linked to elk but here specifically, it is linked to the elk’s horn. The horn of elk reminded the Germanic people of the trees and would give the elk the title of “Lord of the Forest”. This is important because it relates Elhaz to the trees, but specifically the branches of the World Tree. Though the trunk of the tree is important as well, it is the branches and roots that give the magician some of the greatest power. This power is that of traversing the multiple Worlds through the branches and the sources of numinous knowledge contained at the roots of the tree. The Old English Runic Poem tells us much of the Fetch, but I think it speaks the most of its potential danger. It makes a reference to “Elk’s Sedge”, which is a rather poetic name for a sword. It then says that it reddens with blood any man who grasps it. I believe these passages are telling us firstly that the Fetch is able to greatly damage a person if they aren’t ready for it. Much like a sword, it is to be approached with great respect and skill or you will probably just end up hurting yourself. I think the sword reference also is there to hint at the practice of carving Elhaz on weapons for protection in battle via the Valkyries. I suppose that if anything is to be learned from this poem, it is that the Fetch is not something to be approached by people who aren’t ready to develop that part of their being.

Transmutation    2008-09-08 02:59:18 ET

Transmutation I really tried hard not to make my last post sound dramatic and BAAWWWW but I think it turned out that way regardless. It turns out I was totally correct in my bid of War and progress is going smoothly. Converting love into sorrow into hate is a lot easier than I remember it being and I've been getting great results from my current Work with these emotions. I've come to some good conclusions so far: A. I still hate people. A lot. But, at least I am not holding a grudge against them anymore. I realized long ago that not everyone is cut out to be a philosopher or even a decent person, but only as of late have I really internalized that knowledge. It is their fault that they are unintelligent and weak, but that's ok because the masses were never really meant to be fully Self-Aware and are doomed to die sleeping. B. I still have a job to do. It was ok for me to be a little down about emotions and people, but I don't time to dwell on pain and I have work to do. I'm alone now and I'm going to be alone for most of my life, which is the way it just has to go and I accept that. I've always been an outsider to this world of horror and being an outsider has earned me the most valuable of products: Understanding of Self. C. Emotions are of substance, just like knowledge. They can be identified, produced, and altered through exercise of the mind. This is partially why I decided to make this post at all. This morning I was conducting regular meditative and magical exercises when I had this powerful experience! I was experimenting with emotions and I converted a huge chunk of love into raw fury. I conjured love and turned it into heartache, and then I turned that heartache into pure and burning hatred. After about a half hour this burning hatred turned into feelings of ecstasy and peace, and thus the hate turned back into love. Truly opposite emotions do seem to be different sides of the same coin. Also, I've been tinkering with the idea of apocalyptic mythology being symbolic of the crystallization of the Self. Take for example the Kali Yuga and compare it to the Dark Night of the Soul...Seems very alchemic to me. More on this later.

2008-08-27 01:37:28 ET

And now a summation of my past days is appropriate: This past month or so has been pretty big in my life. Sirius 6 had given me a rough road map to follow in my on-going Quest of life and I have been executing it ever since. Some roads and challenges manifested in expected ways, while others had not. I knew I had to strengthen my connection to my Inner Self and I have and continue to do so. I knew I had to strengthen my connection to other Higher Beings and I have and continue to do so. I knew I had to strengthen my connection to world of Nature and I have and continue to do so. However, when it came to strengthening the connection to my Heart I encountered a vista of Darkness so massive that it peered into me just as much as I peered into It. I thought that it simply craved Love and so I decided to reach out to others. And now a summation of my current days is appropriate: I have just started up my semester at CSUN and I do so with a heavy burden upon my shoulders. Though my mind is as sharp as ever and my Inner Self feels more potent then ever, my Heart is cold and without comfort. Nancy and I didn’t work out which is not a surprise but hurts all the same, especially because I saw it coming and couldn’t stop it. I knew I would get myself hurt all over again and let it happen, so I have no one to blame except for my own self. However, it was under that windy tree on campus that I knew what had to be done. And now a summation of my proposition: I was correct in my recognition of my Heart’s need. My emotions ARE important and do need attention, but I won’t strengthen it from anything given by the World of Horrors. I realize now that there no can be no Justice or Understanding in a world inhabited by sleep walkers. I live in a different world than most people and that will never change, so why should I be mournful that I cannot connect with them? Instead of crystallizing the Darkness of my Heart with Love why not use something I know I have plenty of: Fury. I propose the ReManifestation of my Heart to occur not with Love but with the raging Fury and Hatred of all storms, a sort of War Heart. I'm through mourning the past and the words of people who could never grasp my existence, and I still have a job to do. Now that the world has put its weight upon my shoulders, I am in the perfect position to lift it over my head and toss its bloody corpse off the side of a cliff. From the dark night of the soul a new light has been found.

2008-08-13 21:51:55 ET

So this month has been bloody busy. I just got back from a hunting trip that and it was a very good experience all in all. It was on a huge fucking ranch in the middle of no-where in Central California, and I don’t think I would really mind living in a big rural area like that. Of course, I’d need some solar panels and equipment for high-speed internet but that is a given. The night sky is nothing short of incredible out there, it is so much clear and vibrant then it is here. I wouldn’t mind terribly if Los Angeles ended up getting carpet bombed by the Chinese in the upcoming World War, so that I may see the stars more clearly. Anyway, I ended up taking a medium-sized hog (in before PETAfags) and I look forward to eating it. I am sorta pissed that boar hide is such a bitch to tan but it is what it is. Here is a picture of me holding onto the top of a Rhino ATV. I am unaware of the awaiting pothole the driver is about to hit. In a couple days I am going to the Stone Brewery in Escondido with Nancy and friends, so I am really looking forward to that. I miss the hell out of the woman and I really do need to see my friends more. This brings me to my main topic of discussion: how truly disconnected I feel I am from mySelf. While I have never been closer to my personal Daemon I feel like I am still really uncentered with my Heart. Even though I am going out with someone I still feel lonely as Hell and I don't think that is going to change any time soon, especially considering how different we truly are. It is kind of sad knowing that the person you care for will never understand you or your way in life. With my current studies I am starting to realize how hard and alone my path is, and that it is selfish of me to want people to change just for the sake of my own happiness. But hey, life would be a fucking disappointment if it weren’t a constant struggle and lacked friction.

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