The way we were...

2006-02-23 15:31:48 ET Radar Love ~ Golden Earring "I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel There's a voice in my head that drives my heel It's my baby callin', says I need you here And it's a half past four and I'm shiftin' gear When she is lonely and the longing gets too much She sends a cable comin' in from above Don't need no phone at all We've got a thing that's called Radar Love We've got a wave in the air, Radar Love The radio is playing some forgotten song Brenda Lee's comin' on strong The road has got me hypnotized And I'm speedin' into a new sunrise When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough She sents her comfort comin' in from above We don't need no letter at all We've got a thing that's called Radar Love We've got a light in the sky No more speed, I'm almost there Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care Last car to pass, here I go And the line of cars drove down real slow And the radio played that forgotten song Brenda Lee's comin' on strong And the newsman sang his same song Oh one more radar lover gone When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough She sents her comfort comin' in from above We don't need no letter at all We've got a thing that's called Radar Love We've got a light in the sky We've got a thing that's called Radar Love We've got a thing that's called Radar Love" 4 comments

Duh

2006-02-22 17:29:50 ET New Math: Me = dumber than a box of rocks. Fool in the Rain ~ Led Zeppelin "Well there's a light in your eye that keeps shining Like a star that can't wait for a night I hate to think I've been blinded baby Why can't I see you tonight And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin' And the thrill of your touch gives me fright And I'm shaking so much, really yearning Why don't you show up, make it all right, yeah, it's all right, all right And if you promised you'd love so completely And you said you would always be true You swore that you never would leave me, baby What ever happened to you And you thought it was only in movies As you wish all your dreams would come true, hey It ain't the first time believe me, baby I'm standin' here feeling blue, blue Ha, yeah, I'm blue, hoh, baby Now I will stand in the rain on the corner I'll watch the people go shuffling downtown Another ten minutes no longer And then I'm turning around, 'round The clock on the wall's moving slower Oh, my heart it sinks to the ground And the storm that I thought would blow over Clouds the light of the love that I found, found Light of the love that I found Light of the love that I found Ohhhh, that I found Oooh, hand that ticks on the clock Just don't seem to stop When I'm thinking it over Oooh, tired of the light I just don't seem to find Have you wait, get away Whoa oooh, I see it in my dreams But I just don't seem to be with you You I gotta get it all Gotta get it all, gotta get it all I've got to get all Ooh, now my body is starting to quiver And the palms of my hands getting wet, ohh I've got no reason to doubt you baby It's all a terrible mess An' I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey The thoughts of a fool's kind of careless I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block, ohhhhhh yeah Hey now, ohhhhhh-hoh Light of the love that I found" 7 comments

"Ain't it hell when I'm gone?"

2006-02-20 20:08:14 ET Things I Miss: ratty sneakers too short pants concert t-shirts long car rides socks with holes wrinkled shirts singing the radio looking for CD's in the car holding hands getting lost on accident getting lost on purpose funny facial hair eating in the car strong fore-arms his face in the moonlight interior of the car compassion understanding being caught stealing glances spontaneous "you know" gentleness our cat the black hat (backwards and frontwards) record hunting flea market hopping comic book shopping windows down despite having an air-conditioner fighting playing John-Calvin Ball while fighting sarcasm mexican food dancing love letters love letters disguised as mix tapes hiking swimming the hollow of his neck where I fit so perfectly walking in parks daydreaming under the stars car shows outdoor fairs amusement parks laughing broom closets the ever elusive "him" Things I Don't Miss: selfishness being lied to broken promises secrecy (hrm...kinda evens out doesn't it?) Bad Day ~ Daniel Powter "Where is the moment we need at the most You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost They tell me your blue skies fade to grey They tell me your passion's gone away And I don't need no carryin' on You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day Well you need a blue sky holiday The point is they laugh at what you say And I don't need no carryin' on You had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day Sometimes the system goes on the blink And the whole thing turns out wrong You might not make it back and you know That you could be well oh that strong And I'm not wrong So where is the passion when you need it the most Oh you and I You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day You've seen what you like And how does it feel for one more time You had a bad day You had a bad day" 1 comment

"My silence is my self-defense"

2006-02-20 07:03:10 ET "If your intentions are pure...I'm seeking a friend for the end of world." ~ Chris Cornell "Your greatest love is not necessarily your longest" ~ Joss Whedon What a night... Sick and apparently delerious I swooned amidst a fog of circling happy memories. When I finally fell asleep it was only to be faced with dreams all night long. Dreams about everything we have lost. Dreams that bordered on nightmares; him always in the background but never turning to face me - me following him and him never turning back to answer my calling. Funny, now how in hindsight I can see that all the songs I was attracted to during our life together only forshadowed this tragedy. All of these exacerbated of course by the fact that I have to play for someone else's wedding on Saturday and my lovely wedding gown is hanging alone in the shop... What is that that all mothers say: "Never let a boy mean more to you than you mean to him. He has to love you more, or it won't work." truth be told, it's one of the only things I now truly believe in. I think that statement totally negates all I will now write, but I'm going to write it anyways. I wonder if I will ever find that passion again. I wonder if I will ever find that kind of love again. It was proverbial love at fist sight - "Siamese soul lovers". We broke up twice, averted a summer of hell and still, my whole face used to light up when ever I saw him. I would literally skip down the stairs to throw open the door to meet him, eyes shining. When he held me, my heart felt so full I thought I might explode. I truly loved him and took with that love all that it entailed. My cabbie never let happiness be far from us, even during the fighting. Even after all the years we spent together, each kiss was brand new and yet carried with it all the kisses before it. Every moment was an adventure no matter what we were doing. Every place we visited we saw with the same eyes. We worked as a team, as one unit. He drove and I read the map; he worked and I read the directions. He held my hand and I followed. Now, he won't even look at me and after all the good I gave to him and we had together I just can't understand how he relegated me to the level of trash. You would think he would be falling over himself to get that back. Can you get this stupid? He's losing me in his silence. Then perhaps there is always the disasterous idea that he never loved me at all. That this was just a big show he concocted in order to get out of the promise he made to marry me. But, then I hold on to these words "I will come back for you because you are my one true love." People don't say things like that unless they mean them right? There is still hope, right? There is still hope...**sighs deeply** ah, denile. Honestly, I don't know if I have the desire to exert that kind of energy on someone different. How, after you've found your soul-mate and had him die on you do you go on? I remember long before I ever read it, saying to him "you are going to die young and leave me all alone". How do you live and function within another relationship knowing that it can never be that way with someone else - that someone else will never be him? How do you muster the energy to love like that again? My darling is gone, his stone around my neck and someone else is knocking on my door. Do I open this Pandora's box? Miss Being Mrs. ~ Loretta Lynn "I lie here all alone, In my bed of memories I’m dreamin’ of your sweet kiss, Oh, how you loved on me. I can almost feel you with me, Here in this blue moonlight, Oh, I miss being Mrs., tonight Like so many other hearts, Mine wanted to be free, I’ve been put here every day, Since you’ve been away from me My reflection in the mirror, It’s such a hurtful sight, Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight And how I loved them loving arms, That once held me so tight, I took off my wedding band, And put it on my right hand, I miss being Mrs. tonight. Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight And how I loved them loving arms, That once held me so tight, I took off my wedding band, And put it on my right hand, I miss being Mrs. tonight Oh, I miss being Mrs. tonight" And So It Goes ~ Billy Joel "In every heart there is a room A sanctuary safe and strong To heal the wounds from lovers past Until a new one comes along I spoke to you in cautious tones You answered me with no pretense And still I feel I said too much My silence is my self defense And every time I’ve held a rose It seems I only felt the thorns And so it goes, and so it goes And so will you soon I suppose But if my silence made you leave Then that would be my worst mistake So I will share this room with you And you can have this heart to break And this is why my eyes are closed It’s just as well for all I’ve seen And so it goes, and so it goes And you’re the only one who knows So I would choose to be with you That’s if the choice were mine to make But you can make decisions too And you can have this heart to break And so it goes, and so it goes And you’re the only one who knows" Good As I Was To You ~ Lori Morgan "She drove up to the restaurant where they use to dine He was sitting at the table with someone new this time She walked up right beside him her face did not turn red She looked at him so calmly and this is what she said Good as I was to you is this the thanks I get? Are all the years we shared so easy to forget? Does this mean that you've won? Are you finally having fun? Is she your dream come true? Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be Good as I was to you The room got awfully quiet and everybody stared Finally the waiter said, "Should I bring another chair." She said, "No. I was just leaving." but as she walked out the door She said, "Honey, you can have him I don't want him anymore." Good as I was to you Is this the thanks I get? Are all the years we shared so easy to forget? Is this the way it's done? Looking out for number one? Did you think it through? Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be Good as I was to you, Does this mean that you've won? Are you finally having fun? Is she your dream come true? Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be Good as I was to you Good as I was to you"

Oh crap...

2006-02-18 15:15:11 ET Holy Shit...I used to write really good poetry! What the hell happened? http://www.angelfire.com/blog/punklove1980/punklove1980/index.blog?start=1075752319 1 comment

A diatribe

2006-02-18 15:06:08 ET Before: Scratch my soul My Jacob Grace Passé vaults of ordinary Boring and forced by decisions Need not apply. Let every kiss be an accident. Let unpredictability destroy What I thought I knew Laugh when I cuss Adore me when I growl I beg you please Make it real Make it different After: "This Generation's Love Story" Jacob Grace died alone in his ocean of deciet. The man who scratched Trixie's soul has left his body behind never to be found. Trixie cried the ocean forth from the hole left in her soul. Madeline and Simone don't use the swingset in the yard anymore time has ticked on by leaving the swings rusted and the museums closed for the season. Even the Jersey pinball machines have shown their age. Trixie smooth talked the saints she goldentongued the Lord God Almighty But, she had to keep going. 1 comment

Appropriateness

2006-02-18 11:21:55 ET Appropriate line stolen from a poem posted by onemind-numbinglass who did not reveal the name of the writer. "Loving yourself is the easy way through Pleasing the unknown is the harder thing to do" 2 comments

Thunder Road

2006-02-17 03:10:11 ET On the day you finally arrive Thunder Road laid out before us I hope for your sake I am home and for mine that I'm not.

Lyrics I have in my head...

2006-02-15 15:57:10 ET Size Matters ~ Joe Nichols Someday she wants a big ol' house sittin' on a big ol' hill, And a mile long tree lined driveway for her big ol' Coupe DeVille. Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank account with too much to spend, But right now all she wants is a man. With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can. Big ol' kisses that go on and on and never end. With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter: Size matters; size matters. Someday, she wants a big ol' ring with a big ol' rock that shines, And a big ol' walk-in closet with shoes of every kind. Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat where she can lay around gettin' a tan, But right now all she wants is a man. With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can. Big ol' kisses that go on and on an' never end. With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter: Size matters; size matters. With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can. Big ol' kisses that go on and on an' never end. With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter: Size matters; size matters. Size matters. Hands To Heaven ~ Breathe As I watch you move, across the moonlit room There's so much tenderness in your loving Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve God give me strength when I am leaving... So raise your hands to heaven and pray That we'll be back together someday Tonight, I need your sweet caress Hold me in the darkness Tonight, you calm my restlessness You relieve my sadness As we move to embrace, tears run down your face I whisper words of love, so softly I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane Without your touch, life will be lonely So raise your hands to heaven and pray That we'll be back together someday Tonight, I need your sweet caress Hold me in the darkness Tonight, you calm my restlessness You relieve my sadness Morning has come, another day I must pack my bags and say goodbye...

love...

2006-02-15 15:51:08 ET Have decided that I am in love with the "I like the way you move" Coca Cola spokesboy. 5 comments

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14 03:35:55 ET I stole this quote from MattHolck (I don't know where he got it from): I thought it was appropriate for Valentine's Day! Have a great day everyone! "He handed her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I'll love you till the last one dies." 5 comments

Well, shit...

2006-02-11 18:34:44 ET Well, THAT'S certainly new. Someone else's spit is on my lip gloss. Hasn't been this way in some time. It's more than a little bizarre. It's more than a little offsetting. A bit discombobulating, a bit awkward with all it's drippy newness and possibility. A small bit sooner than expected but not unworth a try. **Also found and purchased two Harry Chapin records today! YAY!** 4 comments

Short rant

2006-02-10 18:17:26 ET Ranting - by: me It must have been rather fulfilling to write me off, in 30 lines or less. It must have been just thrilling to vindicate yourself by writing a letter worthy only of an extra piece of toilet paper. I should like to show as little regard for you as you have for me. I should like to set fire to your comic collection, steal back my cat and break all your records. Perhaps if I destroy something you have loved you might know the same kind of hurt you have caused. Justice. 2 comments

A poem by me

2006-02-10 18:04:04 ET Pyromaniac Son I have this picture of you all dressed up in childhood playing house as children do. I always played the mother and you the child. I accepted your feeble, childish gifts knowing you could give no better, and you adored wide-eyed the mother who kept you safe believing that no abuse would exhaust my love for you. Spring now turned to winter and orphaned are we in the pale chill. your wildfires burned our playhouse to the ground, my pyromaniac son. Separated in the panic we are wandering in the ashes. Greyish soot cakes our feet; What have you done? The fire you promised to tend has been drowned out beyond my salvation. All the matches are gone; burned in the fire left wild in the wind. All we had is charred, dripping cold icicles in the winter gales. Silence has settled upon this pyre. Let us leave it undisturbed. Southernmost ~ The Lucksmiths "Remember when forever seemed just fine? Seen through glasses of rose coloured wine They’d sit up all night talking Now she’s sound asleep to the sound of his walkman And every single weekend The divide between them deepens A curse across the kitchen He might still be within spitting distance But there’s only one way to find out..." 2 comments

Life is like TV ...sort of

2006-02-10 03:32:04 ET I always knew that keeping these quotes around would come in handy one day for explaning _something_. So I keep having this dream that goes remarkably like this one although slightly different. "In the dream I keep having about Jordan Catalano, I'm trying to catch up with him... but it's hard, because there's something wrong with the floor [shows shoes glued to the floor]. Sometimes my father's there. Sometimes my great Aunt Gertrude's funeral kinda gets mixed in with it. The end of the dream is always the same. I catch up with him. I yell and scream -- how he hurt and betrayed me, how I can never forgive him. He just stands there, like someone caught in a storm who's stopped caring how wet he gets. Then I wake up. The storm of words still pounds through my body." -- Angela (MSCL - Ep. #1-19) Then I dream that somehow he gets his brains back...(not likely) --THE LETTER (MSCL - Ep. #1-19) "Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain, and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry til the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding, because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you wanna hate me, go ahead. If you wanna burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down. You could tell me to go to hell. I'd go. If you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano"

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