Nicotine Cum.
2009-01-19 11:15:30 ET

Excuse me. What is that?
This? I'm trying to quit smoking.
I've guessed that. But what is it?
It's nicotine cum.
You mean nicotine gum?
No, what I said. Nicotine cum. See? It comes in cans.
So what do you do with it?
Well you drink it, obviously.
But it's cum.
No, it's nicotine cum. See, read the label. Designed to cure the constant craving for nicotine. For full effect drink at least one can of nicotine cum every morning before breakfast.
So how's it taste like?
It tastes like nicotine cum. You want some?
No, thanks. I, uh, don't smoke.
Suit yourself.
Does it work though?
What does?
Nicotine cum.
I think so. But it's only been a week but I hope so.
And you... you don't find anything weird about drinking cum laced with nicotine or whatever it is?
No, not really. Should I?
Well it's cum...
In a can.
In a can. You don't think it's a scam or something?
Well if it's a scam it's as much of a scam as nicotine gum or nicotine patches. Those are all ordinary things just with nicotine added for effect.
So whose cum is it?
I don't think it's anyone's in particular. I mean I've got at least half a dozen cans in my fridge at home. That's a lot of cum. The company that makes this must have an assembly line of chronic masturbators or something of the sort.
And what company makes this?
Why the Nicotine Cum Company, of course. It sure as hell ain't Coca Cola. Hell, if Coca Cola came up with that idea we'd all be drinking carbonated cum. Corn syrup carbonated jizz with a big red label.
You sure it's not a ploy though?
What do you mean?
I mean may be it's a way to indoctrinate people into drinking cum. I mean it's cum laced with nicotine, for god's sake. How do you know that if you quit it you won't suffer from cum cravings? It's like Pavlov's dogs. After a while how do you know you won't be waking up early in the morning looking forward to that first can of cum?
Well even if that happens it's better than smoking.
Is it?
Well... yeah. Smoking gives you cancer. I've never heard of drinking cum giving you cancer!

2009-01-19 17:49:11 ET


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